T​-​minus Christmas

by thelastclarissa

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released December 1, 2013

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thelastclarissa Massachusetts

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Track Name: I Hope Your Christmas Sucks
Hello.
Here's kind of a funny thing- and I don't know why I give a fuck but...
I hope your christmas SUCKS.
I hope your family snubs you.
I hope your partner doesn't really love you.
I hope your christmas tree dies unexpectedly.

I don't even know you.
You're probably really nice,
or at least halfway decent,
and I know it's not fair of me to say I hate your guts, but I
I don't need a reason.
F off. I don't need a goddamn reason for anything I feel or do.
I HATE you.

Holiday cheer.
I swear this is my favorite time of year.

I mean I kind of vaguely sort of wish I didn't really give a fuck, but...
I hope your christmas SUCKS.
I hope your family snubs you.
I hope your partner doesn't really love you.
I hope your christmas tree dies unexpectedly.
I hope you cry the whole night.
I hope you wake up alone and afraid and sad.
I hope you try to console yourself with coffee only to find the milk has gone bad.
I hope you listen to your messages and your dentist says you have fifteen cavities.
I hope you find out you're bad at sex.
I hope you have seven years bad luck.
I hope your christmas SUCKS.

I'm not usually so angry.
You are literally a stranger to me.
If it was any other time of year it's true-
I probably wouldn't have it out for you.


You're probably really nice,
or at least halfway decent,
and I know it's not fair of me to say I hate your guts, but I I don't need a reason.
F off. I don't need a goddamn reason for anything I feel or do. I HATE you.

Merry fucking christmas.
Merry fucking christmas.
Merry fucking christmas.
I would spit on your face if I thought I could get away with it.
Track Name: Christmas Dance Party With Jesus
Christmas dance party!
It's a party with jesus!
He's bringin the beatz

He's got the beat, he's got the beat,
he's got the beat...he's got it!

And we're gonna get it from him!

We'll help him do good
and he'll make some wine
and we'll be creeped out because isn't that his blood or something
so we won't drink it we'll just pretend to.
he'll tell us that we're awesome
and we'll be like: “Hey man, you too...”

It'll be a Christmas dance party!
It's a party with jesus!
He's bringin the beatz
(We're bringin' the raddish!),
we're gonna dance dance dance like it's dance party!
Cuz it is!

And if you're under the mistletoe-
careful, it's a missile on a toe!
Oh no! Oh no!
But don't worry about it-

cuz it's a Christmas dance party!
It's a party with jesus!
He's bringin the beatz,
and soccer team is bringin the cleats!
Track Name: Deck The Halls With Limbs and Muscle
The zombies all think it's christmas.
They've got brains on their wishlists
(yeah, they're pretty messy eaters).
This will be one unforgettable apocalypse.

I wouldn't blame you if you set your sights on me,
and I guess it wouldn't be all bad if you made me a zombie,
but what would Martha Stewart say? You're not exactly cooking those brains...
Well... who cares. Neither of us knows her.

Deck the halls with limbs and muscle,
falalalala lala la la.
Tis the season to be cannibal,
falalalala lala la la.

Hang that wreath upon our door,
I've never felt this merry before.
When the zombies come,
we'll all have so much fun-

and I wouldn't blame you if you set your sights on me.
I guess it could be pretty great if you made me a zombie.
My mother might be sad.
But she might also be glad let's try not to assume we know how people will react to something
because we are not omnipotent (it's supposed to be omniscient fuck my life there's nothing to be done now)

The zombies all think it's christmas.
They've got brains on their wishlists
(yeah, they're pretty messy eaters).
This will be one festive apocalypse.

Deck the halls with limbs and muscle,
falalalala lala la la.
Tis the season to be cannibal,
falalalala lala la la.